After the brilliant Chak De India, Bollywood tried it's hand at a sport they have never got to grips with - Football. A Bollywood film based on the Beautiful game? It was bound to end in tears and it delivered - tears that is!
Fictitional Southall United are a team in crisis, their ground is about to be repossessed, their own community thinks they're useless and they are pretty rubbish on the field. Team captain Shaan (Arshad Warsi), a restaurant owner by profession, lives and breathes football, he can't bear to watch his beloved SUFC go down the pan, so he manages to coax Tony Singh in to coaching his team of misfits asians. The trouble is, the boys are terrible, they have no skill, no passion and no team ethic. But the biggest problem is, they have no star striker.
At the same time you have Sunny (John Abraham), a talented Asian striker (can you see where this is leading?) trying to break in to the game with a club called Aston, who happen to be an all white team. And you guessed it, he's awesome but gets rejected because he's brown. So after a bit of pussy footing around, Sunny signs for Southall, much to the annoyance of Shaan.
At this point, the director tries to fit in as many cliches as he can think of, two enemies become best friends, the under dogs turn it around and become heroes etc etc etc...... Nothing new here. But not only that, the old stuff they have rehashed in this film are just lame.
The token Sikh in the film isn't very likeable, the Bengali (who came all the way from Dhaka to play for Southall?) doesn't speak Bengali and the rest of the team are just a bunch of cheap extras who look like they didn't want to be there. Arshad Warsi doesn't look like a footballer, not even an amateur footballer! The laughable part comes at the end (lets face it you know what the outcome is so I'm hardly spoiling it for you!) after Southall over come the odds and beat Aston to the title, they win $3million! Are you kidding me? An amateur football team wins £1.5million? And I must not forget to mention the fact that John Abraham pronounces the work 'paki' like no other. Paaahki! OK mate!
It's all a bit rubbish to be honest. But the biggest crime int his film is the fact that we don't get to see Bipasha shake that rather large and rotund ass of hers!
Bad script, bad acting, a lack of football knowledge and lack of knowledge of British culture are just some reasons why Bollywood should leave football to the experts. Dhan Dhana Dhan........ Crap.
1 out of 5
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